Life and Stuff

As the grey winter here in upstate New York drags on, I'm full of nerves waiting to hear back from graduate schools. I'm praying that I am accepted because I'm ready to go back to school. I've enjoyed my time off, but I'm really looking forward to getting back into a routine of research and studying.

I should also probably mention something that happened over a month ago now. Mike took a job in Madison, Wisconsin and moved out there at the beginning of January. We had been together for almost three years, but I couldn't do the distance anymore. It was too exhausting for both of us. And, in some ways, I felt that I might be holding him back from really getting invested in his new life there. So we decided to break up. It was the right decision for both of right now. We're both in a transitional period in our lives and I think it's healthy for us to take some time to be single. Before we started dating, we had been in long term relationships. So, it's been a while since either of us have really explored who we are without being committed to someone else. I still love him dearly and consider him to be my best friend. It's been a strange transition, but it was definitely the right decision for both of us.

I've been trying to draw lately, but it's been a struggle. I just haven't been incredibly inspired. But I've been journaling a lot and listening to a lot of music. Much of my writing has included copying lyrics of songs that I really relate to right now. Otherwise, I've been trying to figure out who I am. It's strange--while I was a student, I was very sure of who I was and what I wanted out of life. Now that I'm in a sort of limbo, those questions of identity are resurfacing. I suppose it's only life, it's only natural. But it's hard sometimes when you just want to have the answers, even if you don't exactly know the questions in the first place.

Otherwise, there's not too much else to update you guys on. I've been watching a lot of hockey. The Penguins are doing well, though I'm worried about the way the team has been playing defense lately. Still, they've been finding ways to win. Having three of the top scorers in the league and the top-scoring defense help in that department. They'll need to get stronger defensively in front of the net if they want to win the Cup this year though.

Love and joy to you all